Pain to Purpose

Five years ago today was when I heard that still small voice deep in my heart whisper to me "I'm going to heal you".

Its been quite an interesting 5 years but the RSD is definitely gone!  Its been an interesting couple of weeks leading up to this date.  I've been reminded of a lot of things about the RSD and it's time in our life.  

But, life goes on and I'm still human and still have human hurts. 
I have whiplash.  Sustained by NOT hitting the car in front of me.  I just knew I was going to hit that car and did everything in my power to get my car stopped in time.  I missed by inches!  I feel for the person who was stopped in front of me because of a car stopped in front of them.  I hope they didn't see me coming, but if they did, I trust they weren't too traumatized!  

Because of the whiplash, I'm in PT again.  Its bringing back lots of memories of those days I spent in PT because of the RSD.

Also because of the whiplash my nerves throughout my body were set aflame with some of the RSD pain!  When I had RSD, I didn't obey this passage:

James 5:13-16New International Version (NIV)The Prayer of Faith13 Is anyone among you in trouble? Let them pray. Is anyone happy? Let them sing songs of praise. 14 Is anyone among you sick? Let them call the elders of the church to pray over them and anoint them with oil in the name of the Lord. 15 And the prayer offered in faith will make the sick person well; the Lord will raise them up. If they have sinned, they will be forgiven. 16 Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective.

I often wondered over the course of the 18 years I had RSD why none of my elders or pastors offered to pray over me.  hmm... maybe because it says that I was to go to the Elders.  I don't even know if  4 of the churches we attended during that time even pray over people like that.  Because NO ONE talks about it!  

About a month and a half before my healing, I was convicted that I had never gone to the Elders to ask for a laying on of hands and prayer.  So, Dec 24, 2011 I asked my pastor and an elder if they did this for people.  Yes, they said, they did.  I asked them to do so for me.   We set a date of Jan 8? but it came and went and I never reminded them (it was, after all, Christmas Eve when I asked them).  I felt that I was not yet deserving of this prayer since I had another point of obedience I thought I should do before they prayed over me.    

I'm sure God orchestrated that whole scenario to show me that I need to be obedient.  In obedience, I asked the Elders.  I should have followed through and met with them to do it.   I also saw that God will do what he's going to do regardless of whether I obey or not.   He still healed me!  But oh, what blessing the church would have gotten had they know that the Elders had prayed over me and then I was healed.   

I saw that the Lord asked me to fast and pray for my niece to conceive.  I also prayed for our son and his wife that day.  They were both already pregnant by the time of my fasting!  But, what it did was set me up to be in sweet communion with the Lord the day he whispered to me.  I was most astonished but also knew without but a moment's hesitation that this was the Lord speaking to me.  And the next day in bible study we read these verses in Luke and I knew they were confirmation that the Lord was going to heal me.

Luke 13:10-13New International Version (NIV)

Jesus Heals a Crippled Woman on the Sabbath

10 On a Sabbath Jesus was teaching in one of the synagogues, 11 and a woman was there who had been crippled by a spirit for eighteen years. She was bent over and could not straighten up at all. 12 When Jesus saw her, he called her forward and said to her, “Woman, you are set free from your infirmity.” 13 Then he put his hands on her, and immediately she straightened up and praised God.

So, when the RSD pain hit a couple weeks ago, I was not quite sure what I should do.  You see, this was not the first time it happened.  After my cancer surgery, it happened also.  I didn't go to the Elders that time, they came to me because they knew my story.   I was ashamed that I freaked out instead of going to them.

This time, I prayed and thought about it all week.  I struggled at first wondering if it really was the RSD pain or not.  It was mild, but there.  All over my body.   I didn't know whether to go to my doctor as my personal doctor or as my motor vehicle doctor!  Crazy, but I have to be seen by the same doctor's office but when I'm there as a personal patient, I can't be seen for the MVI also! And vice versa... What's a woman supposed to do!   I realized that what I needed to do was to go to the Elders and ask them to annoint me and pray.   I needed to submit in obedience to the word.   I needed to trust the Lord that he had said to me, I"m going to heal you.  NOT I'm going to allow you to go into remission which is what my medical records say.

So I went to the Elders and they prayed over me.  I needed to be obedient, I needed to trust that the Lord had healed me.

My reaction each time this has happened was so totally different.  The first time, I freaked and God was still faithful and because of His faithfulness, I was able this time to trust him.

My RSD-like pain was gone from the time I left church that day.

This past Sunday, we sang two songs that NEVER fail to bring me to tears.  They remind me that even in the darkest of my days when I begged to go home to heaven, he was with me.  He had a reason not to answer those prayers.   He had something greater in store for me!  He also reminded me Sunday through those songs that he WAS with me even in my darkest.  And that is why I'm still here and that is why I didn't succumb to suicide like a huge number of RSD patients.  The suicide rate for RSD is very high for RSD patients.

We don't ever know why God is allowing Pain in our lives but God does, and it is always for our good.  Pastor Matt Townsend shared an incredible sermon on pain in our life on Sunday.  His purpose was to encourage two new Harvest pastors that there will be pain but there will be a purpose and to allow God to work through those times and not give up.  He spoke from knowledge of the pain he's been through as our pastor.  He spoke from knowledge that now, on the other side of tremendous pain, he has grown and our church is growing.  God used that time for Pastor Matt's growth.

But, Pastor also made it so relevant to the rest of us sitting there.  It was a great reminder to me of all God has done in my life and how he used my pain for his purpose.  His Glory.   Life is not about me, it is about Him.   A lesson I need to learn over and over.  And over.   Yes, and over.

The songs we sang were these, allow them to remind you that He is with you.  Yes, even in these tough painful times.

Matt Redman: Never Once

Standing on this mountaintop

Looking just how far we've come
Knowing that for every step
You were with us

Kneeling on this battle ground
Seeing just how much You've done
Knowing every victory
Was Your power in us

Scars and struggles on the way
But with joy our hearts can say
Yes, our hearts can say

Never once did we ever walk alone
Never once did You leave us on our own
You are faithful, God, You are faithful

Kneeling on this battle ground
Seeing just how much You've done
Knowing every victory
Was Your power in us

Scars and struggles on the way
But with joy our hearts can say
Yes, our hearts can say

Never once did we ever walk alone
Never once did You leave us on our own
You are faithful, God, You are faithful
You are faithful, God, You are faithful

Scars and struggles on the way
But with joy our hearts can say
Never once did we ever walk alone
Carried by Your constant grace
Held within Your perfect peace
Never once, no, we never walk alone

Never once did we ever walk alone
Never once did You leave us on our own
You are faithful, God, You are faithful

Every step we are breathing in Your grace
Evermore we'll be breathing out Your praise
You are faithful, God, You are faithful
You are faithful, God, You are faithful
You are faithful, God, You are faithful
Your are, You are faithful, God, You are faithful.

Meredith Andrews: Not for a Moment

You were reaching through the storm
Walking on the water
Even when I could not see
In the middle of it all
When I thought You were a thousand miles away
Not for a moment did You forsake me
Not for a moment did You forsake me

After all You are constant
After all You are only good
After all You are sovereign
Not for a moment will You forsake me

You were singing in the dark
Whispering Your promise
Even when I could not hear
I was held in Your arms
Carried for a thousand miles to show
Not for a moment did You forsake me

After all You are constant
After all You are only good
After all You are sovereign
Not for a moment will You forsake me
Not for a moment will You forsake me

And every step every breath you are there
Every tear every cry every prayer
In my hurt at my worst
When my world falls down
Not for a moment will You forsake me
Even in the dark
Even when it's hard
You will never leave me
After all

After all You are constant
After all You are only good
After all You are sovereign
Not for a moment will You forsake me
Not for a moment will You forsake me
Not for a moment will You forsake me

The Boil Point

I just had a thought.  On a Facebook group I'm in someone just asked about if her soup would be okay to eat after being left out overnight.   The answer many gave was yes, but boil it.  

My comment was the same and I had this thought. . . 

We boil things to sterilize or take out the impurities.   It's for its own good.  

Just as God allows us to go through the heat, sometimes to a boiling point to take out impurities.   

It's for our own good.  

But, if I'm abiding in him, I should trust that I won't  boil over when he takes me to that boil point.  

Am I abiding in him, resting in the 'refrigerator' as this soup should have been resting rather than out of the protection of the refrigerator or in our case, safely snuggled "under His wings"?

I've been in both places.   The heat is so much easier to take when I've been snuggled safe and secure.   

Just thinking.   

Because I can...

Sometimes it takes a bit more than a quick 'Because I can' on Facebook.  And this is one of those times when I need to write a bit more or I might have many separate Because I cans and that could be annoying too!

I am so very thankful to my God and Father because I can!  Because I can do so many things that in years past, would not have been possible! I had so many hopes and dreams that while I was ill, just felt like they were slipping through my fingers.  I also would sometimes rag on myself that I wasn't going to be able to be the gramma I wanted to be, the mom of the bride I wanted to be, the wife I wanted to be.  Never tho, did I think about not being able to be the daughter I wanted to be.  But, I have learned that I needed to dream about the daughter, wife, mother and gramma that GOD wanted me to be.  I still get in the way sometimes, well, more than I should but I'm working on me!  I am learning to enjoy being what God wants me to be!  And "out of his glorious graces" he has allowed me more of my old dreams than I deserve!

Because I can...

I was available for my daughter as she planned her wedding. 

And not through the fog of  Rx drugs!

I was able to support and encourage my husband through his time out of work.

and not always be focused on me!

I was able to shop, shop, shop with my girl!

and love every minute of it being out of the wheelchair!

I was available and able to help her move into her new apartment 

And actually able to lift boxes, etc.

I was available and able to clean the old apartment. 

 And not pay mightily for it!

I was able to remember almost everything I was supposed to bring to Maryland!

And help pack the van and unload!

I was able to run errands the day before the wedding!

and not sit in the car while Darryl went inside!

I was able to make a few dresses for the wedding

and do a decent job on them!

I was able to choose nice shoes to wear.  

oh wait, they wouldn't have hurt if I'd sat in my wheelchair!

I was able to run up and down the stairs of the B&B!

But I still called on husband and sons to run for me! 

well, some things never change!

I was able to help with the 'decorating' of the reception.

I can follow directions now.

I was able to deal with the florist and ask for a change in the flowers.

without crying!  or getting angry!

Some of that was because of Kaye Patton, 

Ash's attendant who was my help also!

I was able to do my own hair and make up.  

and not cringe at myself in the mirror.

I was able to enjoy my granddaughter 

and even put her to bed at night!

I was even able to hold the baby that came as a guest!

and not be worried about dropping him. 

I was able to enjoy the wedding

without PAIN!

I am able to look back at the pictures and see my wheelchair.  

The wheelchair I got because my 14 yr old daughter wanted me to go shopping with her.

The wheelchair that was now available 

so one of her three sweet grandparents could comfortably attend the wedding!

I saw the answer to many prayers for our daughter's future husband, Nate.

I didn't know who God planned, but He knew who I was praying for all those years!

 God's best plan for our girl!

I am able to delight in the fact that I adore my sons 

and now have another one!

I am able to enjoy the feeling of completeness in our family

with the additions God has granted us!

Some of these because I cans are because of my physical healing 

and many are also because of my spiritual healing.

Thank you God, for the past 6 months of  Because I Cans.

Pouty Little Brat

 Feeling like a pouty little brat these days.  

I have so much to be thankful for.  Like since the second  Christmas we were parents, we've had a child here in our home Christmas morning.   

And we have 3 parents to visit Christmas Eve and Day.  

And we have two sons to see this week sometime.  And a daughter we've had Christmas, I've gone to The Nutcracker Suite with  and will have dinner with on Wed.  

And we have a house.  Food.  Two cars.  A cat.  A dog.   Each other.  

I know several people for whom this will be the first Christmas without their loved one because that loved one has departed this life.  

 And it's not like our first Christmas which we woke up to get dressed and go see our 5 week old firstborn as he lay in an "OHIO" bed in Allentown General Hospital hooked up to life support.   

And it's certainly not like the first Christmas night over 2000 years ago when Mary gave birth to her firstborn child, a son.  She wrapped him in CLOTHS and laid him in a MANGER! 

This was all after she had ridden a donkey for miles and miles and found no place to have her baby.  There were no hospitals. Doctors.  No red roof inn on every corner! 

And yet.  Here I am with my pouty little self sad because our daughter is having her first Christmas AWAY from home!  Yikes mama! Get a grip!  And yet, the sadness lingers even after I know all this.  

And I'm happy that she has this trip to make!  

I'm working on it but gee it's still hard!  Haha!  

I must get grip and remind myself of all those other Christmas' when our children were here with us.  Then try and remember back to our first two Christmas' and how excited we were to be together on those mornings.   And MY mother and Mother in law were dealing with the absence of children on Christmas morning.  

And I will also try to think about Mary and all the things she did without that first Christmas and her response was:

"But Mary treasures up all these things and pondered them in her heart."  

Luke 2:19

And try to stop being a pouty little brat.   

God Desires Willingness

Today, once again, I was shown a very important lesson.  God does not always ask the easy from us, and even then, all he really wants from us is our willingness to do what he's asked.

I have family coming this weekend.  Some, we haven't seen in a while and my sons haven't seen in even a longer time. So, you can imagine, we've been trying to get ready.  However, life keeps getting in the way.  It's less than 24 hours to go and I still have to decorate.  I think the decorating is going to be a bit less this year!  And, that's ok!  It really is because while I was sick, I learned that we can still celebrate and enjoy our family even when we don't have totally decked out halls.  For example, we've been known to not get any ornaments on the tree!  Yup, that's right.  Justs light were on our tree at least 2 years that I can remember.  I wasn't too happy the first time but I've learned that its actually ok.  And, in some ways, kinda pretty!  Hmm....I can't decide what ornaments I'm using this year...maybe just lights again would do! Although I'm off the hook for tomorrow because I don't have the room for all this company AND a tree! :)

Anyway.  Last week, I thought I had all this time available and could actually get our guest bathroom painted.  We've been here almost 3 years and it was "OK" till now.  Needed to be done, but on the we'll get to it list.  So, last week, we got to it.  Haven't decorated it yet and still don't have the towel rack back up, but, hey.  It's painted!

I also said yes to a very interesting day for this past monday. I said, yes, I would go serve the Gettys and their entourage as their runner (go-fer).  It was quite an interesting day, and I doubt I'll be asked back to do it again, but I had an adventure.   I just happened to be in one of my gluten induced brain fogs. I think I said I'm sorry more times than is legally allowed if that's possible.  But, I said yes when there was a need.  And I'm glad I did it!  I also knew that God could shut the door by not having me chosen to be the runner.  So when I was, I felt it was my assignment for Monday.

I stayed overnight at my mom's that night since she had my dog and was closer than home. Even tho, in said, fog, I actually drove almost halfway home because of the missed turn to her house before I got going the right way!  I'm dangerous in those fogs!

I was going to get up, come home and get to work at my house that day but God had a different assignment for me.  I noticed that mom's kitchen and bathroom needed to be cleaned before her Christmas company arrives.  And, I had time, didn't I?  I also realized it was the best day to give her a haircut and set.  And, it would save me a trip down there yesterday or today.  I also got to make her and my brother dinner and share it with them.  I had time, didn't I?   And I'm so glad I did that!

Then, Wednesday I was REALLY in a gluten /allergy fog and not good for much of anything.  But, I did get the bathroom back together (yup, still wasn't back together) AND cleaned that bathroom.  That job was on the must-do list for company.  All else could be done without.  The decorating we could do without totally if need be and the food could even be bought if necessary.  But, the bathroom, well, a must.

Then I spent most of Thursday planning and buying the food, making tea bread and feeling pretty good about where I was at, at that point I allowed myself to wander the stores and I came home exhausted.  Truly exhausted.  My legs ached like they haven't in a long time.  And I hadn't really done that much to feel that way.  Oh, did I mention that my electricity acted up on Wed night? I had to have someone come look at it, making many trips up and down the stairs checking out the breaker panel.  PECO had to be called and many more trips up and down stairs because he came at 730 AM.


Then, Thursday night, I got the best gift of the week in terms of stress.  My husband came home a day early from his business trip!  He will be here tonight to assist! And this is where I got the text that a friend was in need.  I had a choice.  I could say, I'm truly sorry but I just don't have time right now or, I could do the good that I felt God was asking of me.  It didn't take long to say yes.  That was to be today.  She was having surgery this morning and needed me to keep her company this afternoon between two others who would be with her.  An easy job although away from home.  But, we'd been saying we wanted to help if we could during her surgery/recovery.

I told my husband that I had said I'd do this and that we'd just do without anything I couldn't get done.  He wholeheartedly agreed.  You see,  we've decided that others and their needs are more important than us and what we want to do.  I could have said no and gone on my merry way, overdoing it for company, etc.   But,they are coming, no matter what I get done.  And yes, they'd enjoy the decorations and food I could over do on preparing.  But, it's really family we are all interested in, not the extras.

We also know from experience, how much it hurts when someone says that what they "have to get done for Christmas" is more important than visiting a friend(me) who was hurting.  I mean, she asked what she could do for me. And I told her, I needed a visit.  But, she was too busy for that kind of helping.   PLEASE, don't ever tell someone that kind of thing!  All the stuff that goes with Christmas is just stuff.  I hardly do 1/10th of what I did preRSD for Christmas, but the people around me are more important to me now.

And yes, here I sit writing a blog post.  I've spent time in prayer and sitting before the Lord and felt I needed to write this.

You see.  God asked something sacrificial of me today.  And, even tho I would also be blessed by being able to visit my friend, I was sacrificing some of "MY" time today.  Really, dear friend, it didn't feel like a sacrifice tho many would think it was).

God asked.  I said yes.  But, God asked me even tho, he knew I would not have to follow through.   I was in prayer this morning over my day and Lord, how am I going to get everything done and what order to do it in.  My my SIL encouraged me to make sure I walk a straight line between that moment and tomorrow.  Not to get carried away with side tracks that aren't necessary.  I've had to remind myself of that a few times today when my gaze (and yes, body) got looking off the line!  But, I am walking this 'tightrope' still and need to be careful to stay on the rope!    I feel this time I've spent this afternoon praying and writing were actually rests that God had set up for me along the rope.

Anyway, getting back to when I prayed this morning while I cleaned my shower, a text came in for me.  Sadly, my friend was probably not going to be having her surgery today and later was admitted rather than coming home and needing me to visit.

God asked. I said yes, Lord.  And he has said, thank you for your willingness but I don't need you at this time.

The year I was healed, I must have heard the admonish from the Word to do the good that is asked of you a hundred times in different ways and through different sources.  I felt God was trying to get that idea across to me.

And sometimes, God says,  "All I wanted was your willingness".

Be willing, my friends.  God's got it under control!

Now, I'm off to decorate!  And, I finally actually feel like decorating which is the reason I haven' t done it yet!

broken crayons

This really spoke to my heart, and reminded me that I am broken, yes.  BUT God can still use me!

I remember being horrified by a broken crayon!  Yes, when I was a child, I delighted in taking the paper off the crayons!  What is it with children and that overwhelming need to strip the crayon to nothingness?  BUT, don't let a crayon break or I'd be heartbroken!  

When I was 12, I realized I was a broken crayon!  Before then, I was innocent and thought I was still a fully papered and unbroken crayon.  Then, I overheard something that sent me spiraling into brokenness.  I heard someone I thought a lot of, call me a brat.  It was devastating!  That's because I didn't know until that moment that I wasn't a perfect brand new crayon straight out of the box!  

I spent the next few years with my head hanging down and hiding my brokenness from the world.  I really felt uncomfortable with anyone looking me straight in the eye because they might see my broken imperfect self and not like me.  

Then as a mom, I was always so on edge to be the perfect wife and mother, that I sadly, became quite the opposite!  I would get actually upset when my children would break a crayon (esp when done on purpose) or tear the paper off the crayon which was always done on purpose. That wasn't the only thing I was harsh with them about. I felt that I had to have perfect children or I wasn't going to be looked at as good enough.  Yikes, my poor children. 

I felt I had to be perfect for my husband to like me and love me.  This is something that now when I look back on it, I was definitely believing a horrible lie of Satan's.  I mean, he loved me enough to marry me, right?  That I wasn't good enough, pretty enough, smart enough, etc. etc. etc.  For my kids. For my husband. For my parents. And other family.  Those were all lies of Satan's.

I had such a low self esteem problem.  But I also was dealing with a few people in my life who either did find everything that was wrong with what I did, even if they liked what I did, they always felt the need to tell me what was wrong BEFORE or even totally instead of ever giving me any encouragement.  

I also had some people in my life who was never satisfied with what anyone did, wore, said, etc.  So, if they critiqued everyone else around me, then I must not have measured up either.  At least, that is what I thought.

I wallowed in a lack of self confidence for a long long time.  God has used some hard things and some great things in my life to bring me to the point where I really understand having Christ confidence rather than self confidence.  AND that it's what is on the inside, not on the outside that counts.  You see, God says "greater is he that is in me than he that is in the world" and that's because God has given me the Holy Spirit to live within me and is the same power that raised Jesus from the dead!  

So what if my paper is missing and I'm broken! I still have that power in me and can do all with God's strength!   I've also learned that I don't have to be perfect or measure up to anyone but God.  I need to do my best but not stress about perfect.  Perfect is nice but not really attainable and the more I wanted perfect, the more I saw it was not possible.  

I've also realized that all those people in my life who were expecting perfection in others' lives are also broken crayons hurting in some way themselves.

So now, when my granddaughter takes the paper off or breaks a crayon, I will remember, it's ok.  Its what is on the inside of the crayon that counts!  And remember that this dear sweet child doesn't need to be taught to have to be perfect.  

Overwhelmed with Emotion

This has been quite a week for people I love.  I'm so overcome with emotion that I feel almost strangled by my emotions.

There have been joyous announcements of new babies being born and birthdays such as our son who is now 35.  I can't believe I've been a mom that long.  

And then, there is the anguish I see going on all around me.  Not only have we seen what's going on in France and all the hurt and fear there but my cousin passed away Monday.  That same day, our daughter's twin friends lost their grandmother.  And now, the hardest one to process is the passing away of a young girl.  This is a child of one of "my" girls.  That's what I called the girls to whom I was 'youth sponsor' for back in the 80s and early 90s.

Sometimes I worry that I am not able to feel, let alone show, empathy, or sympathy or any emotion at the hurts and struggles of others.

But this one has hit me hard and there lies the reason for my turmoil today.   I have not seen Shannon since she was a teenager.  She has since gotten married, had beautiful children and lived in London.  A lot of life lived since I've seen her.  But when I heard that her children were diagnosed with this awful disease, Sanfillipo dusease, a genetic disease that is a death sentence for the children, I started following her blog.  How does one live with something like this?  With fear and anger and determination to provide the best for her children.  With faith. And with grace is how Shannon has and is living through this awfulness.  And because of that, I've followed her journey.  I haven't met this sweet child of hers or her son, but, through their story, I've found I do have the capacity for hurting for someone else.

My soul has been crying out in "groans that words cannot express" for this family.  There's her parents, her brother, aunt and uncles and grandparents all feeling this awful loss of a life that was very hard. (and yes, even the family dog is hurting)  and I hurt for them.  As a grandmother myself, I can not imagine the pain of not only losing my grand-daughter but, the hurt I would feel for my child also.  That's what we as moms do.  We hurt when our children hurt.  And so, we hurt for them and for us.

But, I believe that Waverly is with the Lord now.  And her life has just gotten so much better! She would not want to come back here for anything!  She is not missing anyone here in this place we call home for a short while.  She is not missing her wheelchair.  She only has eyes for the Savior.  If only we lived this life with eyes only for the Savior, we wouldn't have all the fear, anger, pain, sorrow, heartache, etc that we have here.  But until we are in his presence, we can not quite carry that off.  We will, though, one day when we finally are called home!!! And oh, how I long for that day!

 I can see things from her side because I once longed to go home.  God has called Waverly home!  She is free from the shackles of this life! She is free from pain, free to walk and talk and dance and praise her heavenly Father.  Her life has been touched by the love of a wonderful earthly father who has been by his daughter's side through all her struggles.  She was taught well what the love of a father is and now she is in the arms of her heavenly Father who is infinitely more praiseworthy than we can think of or dream!  

I have been feeling lately that we ought as believers to be joyous when someone,gets to go home.  I do not believe in saying, oh that's such a shame.  I see it as a wonderful thing for them.  I found I do feel pain for others, because I am hurting for those who have lost loved ones. God has asked a huge sacrifice of the life the McNeils had planned.  And oh I can not imagine the pain they are feeling right now!   They will never stop loving or missing Waverly.  And the worst part is that they will have to go through this all over again.  With their precious son.  And so, while feeling a sense of joy that this child's struggle is over my heart is breaking for her parents.  Her grandparents.  Her brother.

With all the death going on in this world my dear Christian brothers and sisters, we need not grieve for the departed, we grieve for their loved ones and our loss of someone so precious to us. I need not pray for Waverly anymore, she's home with the savior, I pray for her loved ones.   I need not pray for cousin Jim but I pray for his loved ones.  I need not pray for the twin's Nonni, but I pray for the family.  I do not pray for those Christians who are losing their life around the world but I pray for their loved ones. 

I pray God's loving arms encircle and carry them through the days ahead.  I pray that the Lord would envelope them with the "peace that passes all understanding" to carry them through this time.  And Lord, I pray that you would be with Shannon and Matt esp as they go on without their dear child and as they continue to love and care for their beloved son.  I pray for Oliver as he probably doesn't understand what's happening in his life.  I pray that your desire is to give the McNeils as much time as possible with Oliver.  

As someone who has begged, literally, begged God to take me home, and then experienced his miraculous healing I have a new outlook on life.  At the point of my healing I felt such a closeness to the Father that I felt almost singed by his touch.  I long for that again when I get Home. Some day. As a child of the Creator God through my faith in his son and his work on the cross, I know that if I am not here on this earth any longer, I will be in my Father's arms in heaven.  That's his promise.  But for now He wants me to stay here on this earth and I'm enjoying the life he's given me.  I am enjoying being a mother and grandmother.  I am so very thankful to be well enough to help my mom when she needs me.  

I am not afraid of what the evil one has planned in this world, his world, because I know that when I leave this earthly body, I will be in glory!  I need not be afraid but diligent to do the father's work which is why he said no when I begged.  And what I need to be about.  And, I think that His greatest will for me is to love, yes love even those who want to do us harm.  

Lord, I pray that you would use the turmoil in this world to grant to others repentance that they too may one day Dance with You in heaven!   

But for now, I am still grieving for this young family.  While I rejoice with Waverly for her freedom.


Hosea 6:1 Come, let us return to the Lord for he is good.

Acts 2:38 

Peter replied, “Repent and be baptized, every one of you, in the name of Jesus Christ for the forgiveness of your sins. And you will receive the gift of the Holy Spirit.

John 3:16(NIV) 16 For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.

Ephesians 2:8,9 (NIV) 8 For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God—9 not by works, so that no one can boast.