And sometimes things happen and we need to look at them maybe a bit differently. Find ways to be thankful even in the hard times. I have not always been able to do that. I have a tendency towards feeling sorry for myself. I've been known to hold a fantastic pity party!
This year however, I have learned to be thankful even after that dreaded big C diagnosis!!! I used to worry about being sick, cancer, dying. Then came the RSD and I didn't have to worry about getting sick anymore. I was sick. I also became very sick emotionally. Spiritually. Then God called me to repentance and suffused my life with himself. Then he healed me from the RSD.
During the years of RSD I yearned to go “Home”. I begged for it. I longed for it. I prayed many times for it. And then while The Lord was calling me back to himself I was reminded of how wonderful heaven is and now I long to be with The Lord. But. When he says it's time to come home. My desire during those years to go home and then my revival bringing me to a desire to be with the Lord above all else has left me with an interesting view on death and dying. I am no longer afraid of dying. As I've been know to say Dying might be the worst thing to happen but it will also be the best thing. I get excited to hear a believer has gone home.
Many times over the RSD years I wished that I had cancer instead. With cancer, it is diagnosed, treated and either you go into remission or not. Maybe you die. And if you have accepted Christ's sacrifice as payment for your own sin, you get to go to heaven. I know that sounds simplistic but remember, I was in pain. I was on Opioids. That was part of my pity party. I had it worse than cancer patients. And in some ways, I did. Pain of RSD is rated higher than cancer pain which most people hear is the worst pain. With RSD, it's a Dx (diagnosis) of 24/7 pain for the rest of what can be a long life of pain. Not many are blessed like me with healing. I think the fact that I had thought Cancer would have been easier, getting the big “C” diagnosis really wasn't as devastating as I feared before RSD. It was stunning. Scary. And yet, God had shown me that he's in control of everything. EVERYTHING! When I got the Dx he assured me that “he had this”. I just knew that he allowed cancer in my life for a reason and that I could just rest in him. And for the most part, I was able to do that. I am human which means I still had my moments. I really only had one night of fear. And it was after my surgery. It was about the side affects of radiation. “Do not fear”. God says this over three hundred times in the bible!! I was able to put away my fear. He also guided me to a second opinion Dr who also agrees this is what I need. So we are moving ahead with treatment.
He has also shown me I have reasons to stay here. I want my granddaughter to remember me. I'll be happy to live here as long as he allows.
This year, I'm thankful for . . .
1. Cancer. Yes. I am thankful for cancer. I have learned so much about who loves me and the many ways they've shown me.
2. My husband and children who have all been supportive. The love they've shown me was a balm to this heart of mine.
3. God’s incredible way of supplying our needs even before we know we have them.
a. I would have been so worried about my mom during my surgery and recovery. But God, in his infinite wisdom, planned for my brother to be with my mom during this time. Before I even had my Dx!
b. I'm also thankful once again that he brought us back to Philly where we could see our family during this time.
c. Cancelled appts. I was able to get in to see the Oncologist the next day due to a cancelled appt.
d. God also in his wisdom asked us to allow a couple who were coming to Philly on a ministry trip to live in our home for a month. They were as much or more of a blessing to us than we were to them. The wife was an encouragement and a help to me during the early stages of exhaustion, tests, etc. The husband did things around the house that we are still thankful for when we see them.
4. Phillipians 4:7 And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
We learned first hand what this is truly like thru nothing we did on our own power. It had to come from the Holy Spirit.
5. Verses encouraging me not to fear.
6. My pastor’s wife who set up a meal rotation for us.
7. Meals from family and friends.
8. Modern medicine. My doctors. Nurses.
9. Ultra sounds and cat scans to diagnose that which is hidden from view.
10. Surgery to rid my body of cancer.
11. Robotic surgery to make recovery easier.
12. No complications from surgery.
13. The surgery did not cause the RSD to come out of remission! That's a big PRAISE!!
14. Radiation to help prevent recurrence.
15. My ‘odds’ of getting this cancer again will be 2% after radiation.
16. My odds of getting cancer again may be higher because I'll be alive long enough to get cancer again.
17. My God who will get me through the radiation and any side affects.
18. Knowing how much I am loved by family and friends
19. Pastors who care.
20. Supportive and loving church family.
21. Cards. Gifts. Verses written out on home made cards and which are still hanging on my frig.
22. A wonderful neighborhood for walking a mile a day which I'm now supposed to be doing.
23. Easy access to good for us food in this country.
24. Many people were upset that I had to go through cancer after having RSD. I however am incredibly thankful that The Lord chose to heal me of the RSD BEFORE I had cancer and had to have surgery. I can't imagine that pain.
But mostly I am thankful for my loving Heavenly Father who has once again sustained me through the past few months. I pray that He is glorified through this season in my life. That someone will turn to him because they saw how he has been my strength.
Happy Thanksgiving!!!
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