Pain to Purpose

Five years ago today was when I heard that still small voice deep in my heart whisper to me "I'm going to heal you".

Its been quite an interesting 5 years but the RSD is definitely gone!  Its been an interesting couple of weeks leading up to this date.  I've been reminded of a lot of things about the RSD and it's time in our life.  

But, life goes on and I'm still human and still have human hurts. 
I have whiplash.  Sustained by NOT hitting the car in front of me.  I just knew I was going to hit that car and did everything in my power to get my car stopped in time.  I missed by inches!  I feel for the person who was stopped in front of me because of a car stopped in front of them.  I hope they didn't see me coming, but if they did, I trust they weren't too traumatized!  

Because of the whiplash, I'm in PT again.  Its bringing back lots of memories of those days I spent in PT because of the RSD.

Also because of the whiplash my nerves throughout my body were set aflame with some of the RSD pain!  When I had RSD, I didn't obey this passage:

James 5:13-16New International Version (NIV)The Prayer of Faith13 Is anyone among you in trouble? Let them pray. Is anyone happy? Let them sing songs of praise. 14 Is anyone among you sick? Let them call the elders of the church to pray over them and anoint them with oil in the name of the Lord. 15 And the prayer offered in faith will make the sick person well; the Lord will raise them up. If they have sinned, they will be forgiven. 16 Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective.

I often wondered over the course of the 18 years I had RSD why none of my elders or pastors offered to pray over me.  hmm... maybe because it says that I was to go to the Elders.  I don't even know if  4 of the churches we attended during that time even pray over people like that.  Because NO ONE talks about it!  

About a month and a half before my healing, I was convicted that I had never gone to the Elders to ask for a laying on of hands and prayer.  So, Dec 24, 2011 I asked my pastor and an elder if they did this for people.  Yes, they said, they did.  I asked them to do so for me.   We set a date of Jan 8? but it came and went and I never reminded them (it was, after all, Christmas Eve when I asked them).  I felt that I was not yet deserving of this prayer since I had another point of obedience I thought I should do before they prayed over me.    

I'm sure God orchestrated that whole scenario to show me that I need to be obedient.  In obedience, I asked the Elders.  I should have followed through and met with them to do it.   I also saw that God will do what he's going to do regardless of whether I obey or not.   He still healed me!  But oh, what blessing the church would have gotten had they know that the Elders had prayed over me and then I was healed.   

I saw that the Lord asked me to fast and pray for my niece to conceive.  I also prayed for our son and his wife that day.  They were both already pregnant by the time of my fasting!  But, what it did was set me up to be in sweet communion with the Lord the day he whispered to me.  I was most astonished but also knew without but a moment's hesitation that this was the Lord speaking to me.  And the next day in bible study we read these verses in Luke and I knew they were confirmation that the Lord was going to heal me.

Luke 13:10-13New International Version (NIV)

Jesus Heals a Crippled Woman on the Sabbath

10 On a Sabbath Jesus was teaching in one of the synagogues, 11 and a woman was there who had been crippled by a spirit for eighteen years. She was bent over and could not straighten up at all. 12 When Jesus saw her, he called her forward and said to her, “Woman, you are set free from your infirmity.” 13 Then he put his hands on her, and immediately she straightened up and praised God.

So, when the RSD pain hit a couple weeks ago, I was not quite sure what I should do.  You see, this was not the first time it happened.  After my cancer surgery, it happened also.  I didn't go to the Elders that time, they came to me because they knew my story.   I was ashamed that I freaked out instead of going to them.

This time, I prayed and thought about it all week.  I struggled at first wondering if it really was the RSD pain or not.  It was mild, but there.  All over my body.   I didn't know whether to go to my doctor as my personal doctor or as my motor vehicle doctor!  Crazy, but I have to be seen by the same doctor's office but when I'm there as a personal patient, I can't be seen for the MVI also! And vice versa... What's a woman supposed to do!   I realized that what I needed to do was to go to the Elders and ask them to annoint me and pray.   I needed to submit in obedience to the word.   I needed to trust the Lord that he had said to me, I"m going to heal you.  NOT I'm going to allow you to go into remission which is what my medical records say.

So I went to the Elders and they prayed over me.  I needed to be obedient, I needed to trust that the Lord had healed me.

My reaction each time this has happened was so totally different.  The first time, I freaked and God was still faithful and because of His faithfulness, I was able this time to trust him.

My RSD-like pain was gone from the time I left church that day.

This past Sunday, we sang two songs that NEVER fail to bring me to tears.  They remind me that even in the darkest of my days when I begged to go home to heaven, he was with me.  He had a reason not to answer those prayers.   He had something greater in store for me!  He also reminded me Sunday through those songs that he WAS with me even in my darkest.  And that is why I'm still here and that is why I didn't succumb to suicide like a huge number of RSD patients.  The suicide rate for RSD is very high for RSD patients.

We don't ever know why God is allowing Pain in our lives but God does, and it is always for our good.  Pastor Matt Townsend shared an incredible sermon on pain in our life on Sunday.  His purpose was to encourage two new Harvest pastors that there will be pain but there will be a purpose and to allow God to work through those times and not give up.  He spoke from knowledge of the pain he's been through as our pastor.  He spoke from knowledge that now, on the other side of tremendous pain, he has grown and our church is growing.  God used that time for Pastor Matt's growth.

But, Pastor also made it so relevant to the rest of us sitting there.  It was a great reminder to me of all God has done in my life and how he used my pain for his purpose.  His Glory.   Life is not about me, it is about Him.   A lesson I need to learn over and over.  And over.   Yes, and over.

The songs we sang were these, allow them to remind you that He is with you.  Yes, even in these tough painful times.

Matt Redman: Never Once

Standing on this mountaintop

Looking just how far we've come
Knowing that for every step
You were with us

Kneeling on this battle ground
Seeing just how much You've done
Knowing every victory
Was Your power in us

Scars and struggles on the way
But with joy our hearts can say
Yes, our hearts can say

Never once did we ever walk alone
Never once did You leave us on our own
You are faithful, God, You are faithful

Kneeling on this battle ground
Seeing just how much You've done
Knowing every victory
Was Your power in us

Scars and struggles on the way
But with joy our hearts can say
Yes, our hearts can say

Never once did we ever walk alone
Never once did You leave us on our own
You are faithful, God, You are faithful
You are faithful, God, You are faithful

Scars and struggles on the way
But with joy our hearts can say
Never once did we ever walk alone
Carried by Your constant grace
Held within Your perfect peace
Never once, no, we never walk alone

Never once did we ever walk alone
Never once did You leave us on our own
You are faithful, God, You are faithful

Every step we are breathing in Your grace
Evermore we'll be breathing out Your praise
You are faithful, God, You are faithful
You are faithful, God, You are faithful
You are faithful, God, You are faithful
Your are, You are faithful, God, You are faithful.

Meredith Andrews: Not for a Moment

You were reaching through the storm
Walking on the water
Even when I could not see
In the middle of it all
When I thought You were a thousand miles away
Not for a moment did You forsake me
Not for a moment did You forsake me

After all You are constant
After all You are only good
After all You are sovereign
Not for a moment will You forsake me

You were singing in the dark
Whispering Your promise
Even when I could not hear
I was held in Your arms
Carried for a thousand miles to show
Not for a moment did You forsake me

After all You are constant
After all You are only good
After all You are sovereign
Not for a moment will You forsake me
Not for a moment will You forsake me

And every step every breath you are there
Every tear every cry every prayer
In my hurt at my worst
When my world falls down
Not for a moment will You forsake me
Even in the dark
Even when it's hard
You will never leave me
After all

After all You are constant
After all You are only good
After all You are sovereign
Not for a moment will You forsake me
Not for a moment will You forsake me
Not for a moment will You forsake me