Internal Thermostat

I'm pretty sure I wrote the following 11/22/10.  However, as I'm reviewing old posts, I found this was never published.  I think it's interesting to see where I was just a few years ago as compared to now. So, I'm gonna go ahead and publish this out of order.

It's that time of the year. Autumn. Fall.  Harvest.

I love Autumn! The beautiful colors, the leaves falling, the deer population moving around.  But I realized today just how bad they can be for me.  Its the cold and wind that are so hard on my body in Autumn.   I lay in bed this afternoon hoping for a nap.  Somehow as I lay there using this notebook pc I didn't realize that my legs were getting increasingly colder.  I don't know how they coulda gotten so cold!  So cold they were stinging!!! You know how it is when you go out in cold weather and your face stings?  That's what I feel sometimes all up and down my legs, or my arms. etc. And it's 69 degrees in the house! 

Do you have winters that are worse than others?  I afraid this one might be a bad one for me!  Sometimes, this is just during the changes of the seasons, sometimes it's for the whole season.  I remember in the early days of RSD, I would have my children, 10, 13 and 14 lay blanket upon blanket on me until I would finally start to warm up.  Then, they would have to start taking them off one by one till I only had one or two on me.  Because, if I left ALL 5 or 6 blankets on, I would overheat and then, the profuse sweating would begin! 

My opinion on this is that my internal thermostat is messed up.  If I get cold or chilled, it takes a whole pile of blankets to warm me up.  If I get overheated, I get profuse sweating, head to toes!  There's not much to do to cool off but sometimes drinking ice water will help.

Anyone else have these issues?

Christmas Traditions

Please read this blog post from Leslie Vernick.  My comment for her post got too long and I decided to make my own blog post. http://myfaithradio.com/2013/tired-of-keeping-all-those-christmas-traditions/

Great post Leslie!  I remember those days!  We were in the same church back then.   I was so afraid of not measuring up that anything someone else would do, I had to do. 

  So I:

1.  Decorated every inch of the first floor of our house.  

2.  Baked millions of cookies. 

3.  Baked tea breads. 

4.  Made all the teachers at school and church a gift. 

5.  Made ornaments for our tree coming up with a new theme most years.  

6.  Fretted over the perfect tree and making family memories to get said tree. 

7.  Made popcorn and cranberry strands for the tree.  (Till we got a dog that NEVER got into anything she shouldn't have EXCEPT to eat each piece of popcorn on said string.  Never touching the cranberries and leaving the string on the tree.)

8. Many years I made my daughter's Christmas dress.  

None of these things seem important anymore.   

I was in pain and drugged up to kill that pain for 18 years.  I was not able to 'do' Christmas the way I had thought it needed to be done.   

I have had years when we:

1. Didn't decorate the tree.  Yes we had one but didn't get it decorated.  Actually , this happened more than I care to count.  

2. Barely got gifts bought. Well maybe not that.  I always seem able to buy more than I plan. 

3.  Had no cookies.  Hmm.  That's not true either because we can always help those who do bake millions of cookies keep theirs from going in the trash.  

4.  Had no tea bread.  Again.  There's always tea bread to be eaten.  

5.  Didn't make ornaments.  

6.  Didn't give a homemade gift to all those people who invest in our lives.  

I remember a couple of years when I first was unable to do it all.  I asked our kids what traditions they remember and would not want me to stop doing.  They couldn't come up with a single one! So I asked them all what cookie they would miss.   Hmm.  None!  

I think I effectually made Christmas so much about doing Christmas, that I, like Leslie was such a frazzled mess by Christmas Day that I was not a sane mom.   Not so sure I really ever was a sane mom but I surely was not the weeks leading up to Christmas.  

With being sick for 18 years and moving last year this is my first Christmas 'doing' Christmas since the Lord healed me.

So as I prepare this year for Christmas I want to remind myself that Christmas is not at all about 'doing' Christmas but about celebrating Christ's birth and his wonderful love for this world that he came to save us and bring us home with him someday. 

I want to figure out what traditions I want to return to (maybe a decorated tree every year would be nice) and what is just not necessary or maybe doable each year.  

I do think one thing my family liked was the year(s) I decided to have our big meal on Christmas Eve and only had a simple meal or even leftovers on Christmas Day. I remember my dad complaining that mom spent the whole day in the kitchen instead of with the family relaxing and playing in the LR. I think I might try making this a tradition.  Oh and I do know there is at least one in my family who liked the Christmas brunch of egg casserole.  That might have to stay.  

If you have not personally accepted this greatest gift of all, the gift of salvation through faith in Jesus please do so today.  Knowing and believing that Jesus was born into this world, was crucified and rose 3 days later does not save one from eternal separation from God.  You must accept this free gift for yourself by believing IN Jesus and that he did this for you personally.   Repent of your sin which means turning from your sin and turning towards God.  Ask His forgiveness for your sin and for Him to be YOUR Savior.  

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!!  

And may your traditions not interfere with your ability to show God's love this season to others.  

1yr + 2mo+ 2wk

I LOVE SPRING!  I always have but this year, its just even sweeter I think because when I'm outside I'm not aching to get back to bed!  I can sit and enjoy the birds singing, bunnies and squirrels etc.  Now my biggest problem is sitting still for long, there's so much to do!  I need to learn to sit still.  Reminds me of the struggle we had teaching our youngest to SIT STILL!  Hmm, was she more like her momma than I ever realized! :)  

When we moved here 7 years ago this month, I loved seeing the plants coming into bloom.  When you move in winter there is this blessing that comes with Spring and Summer that you don't think about before the move.   If you chose a house in the winter, you really have no idea what beauty lies just under the surface of the dirt!  But as the weather warms up, the flowers start blooming and its like a gift!

Yes, we've lived here before but it's been six years since I've experienced a spring in this house and I was a miserable bitter sick old woman at that point in my life.  I enjoyed the flowers etc but I was not enjoying my creator that made the flowers also.

Things have changed so much since those days!

As I'm sitting here typing this I'm reminded how much my life has been like a garden.  I had grown cold and barren like the winter.  But our Creator knew that with a little sunshine (worship and prayer), water as in spring rain (scripture) and my soul could sing once again and produce fruit.

My life when we last lived in North Wales was one of bitterness, anger, hurt, taking everything personally.  The Lord moved us to Pittsburgh to do a work in our life.  He wanted to move me out of the winter in my soul to spring!  THANK YOU JESUS!

My latest discoveries on the physical front are:

My hands have grown accustomed to clapping again.  So I'm able to clap along in church if I want!  It's taken a year for me to finally be able to join in clapping for a whole song.  Well, at least for most of it because half the time one hand seems to be in the air reaching for my Savior!

I've just realized that maybe just maybe my husband can now take me to Italy.  Or Hawaii (although we don't have much desire to go there).

I can miniature golf again!  Can't wait!  Amusement park anyone?  That was one thing that hubby wasn't too sad that I couldn't do while having RSD.

And then there's swimming with hubby in the ocean again!  Did get to do that once last summer!  Looking fwd to it again!  What blessings the Lord is bestowing on me!

To God be the Glory, great things HE HAS DONE!

1 yr + 2 mo - 2 days

I learned something very valuable during my 18 years of pain! It doesn't matter if everything is done perfectly.

There. I said it. I used to be a frustrated perfectionist! I wanted everything perfect but never was satisfied that it was perfect.

I'm not saying that I don't care what things look like around here.

I do. I really do.

But, For all those years I couldn't have everything just the way I wanted it I found I could enjoy our company just as much as if I had done everything I thought needed to be done. And sometimes I think even better because I used to be a frazzled mess worrying that I had to have it just so and when it wasn't I'd be so upset.

And as much as I still think of lots I want and need to do I now can say, oh well. Its ok.

Although. Yes. I still think of stuff I want to do and maybe waste time trying to get it done. But I more easily let it roll off my back.

Just saying this because I've got a houseful of company coming. One working bathroom. Scaffolding up the side of the house. A contractors "tent" in my driveway. A huge pile of materials for bathroom on my patio. Demo refuse on porch and trash like you wouldn't believe! Nothing decorated. Leaves in the yard.

And I'm not a bit upset by all that cause we moved back home to be with family. And they WANT to come to our house for EASTER dinner!

This is exactly what I love, being with family.

Having family near enough to stop by and to come for dinner is such a sweet sweet blessing! So what if we're not ready!

But could you all pray that our sewer line doesn't decide to back up again tomorrow? I'm still working on finding a plumber.

1 y+ 4 wks

When we left pgh I was sad about leaving 'MY' parks behind. You see, I hadn't been able to enjoy a park for so long and in pgh with a dog DH and I took walks at a park as often as we could. When The Lord healed me we enjoyed them even more! Then we left. It's been cold,busy or rain and so today is my first venture out to a park. In my own twp! We often rode past but never had we discovered how nice it is in here! Thank you Lord for a new park to enjoy! Thank you for the ability to walk!

1y+2wk

I'm continually amazed at how much my life has changed in this past year. It's been an amazing year. The thing is that sometimes that excitement has taken away from what I was really healed from and that was spiritual apathy.

Five years ago we moved to Pittsburgh PA.  At that time in my life I had learned to deal with the pain and limitations on my life pretty well.  Problem was that somehow over the years, I had allowed going to church to become optional.  I wasn't daily talking with the Lord, using the excuse that the meds made it hard for me to read the Bible.  I truly did have trouble with anything that took much thought.  But all those years of not having devotions or praying left me feeling like a dried up old stream bed.

And worst thing was I didn't know how to change that feeling.   I started going to church again weekly, getting involved in our church but still, just wasn't feeling it at all.

I have come to realize that the Lord has drawn me back to himself and in his own special way he has revived that stream bed!   It's been quite the process.  And I know that at least this stream bed has been revived and is no longer all dried up.

But sometimes as in after my healing I felt like a deluge had hit me and the old stream bed was a rushing torrent.

These words from Hosea sum up what I have felt in the past few years...the call to come back to the Lord.  And, if we turn back to him, he will come to us like the spring rains which in Jerusalem the spring rains were like a torrent, a downpour! A deluge!  I felt like that deluge hit me when I was healed and almost swept away in the Joy!
Hosea 6:1-3
6 “Come, let us return to the Lord.
He has torn us to pieces
    but he will heal us;
he has injured us
    but he will bind up our wounds.
² After two days he will revive us;
    on the third day he will restore us,
    that we may live in his presence.
³ Let us acknowledge the Lord;
    let us press on to acknowledge him.
As surely as the sun rises,
    he will appear;
he will come to us like the winter rains,
    like the spring rains that water the earth.”

A year plus

It has now been a year plus a little over a week since MY HEALING! I'll try to from now on use 1yr+1wk etc to mark the year and weeks or mon since God chose to reach down into this life.
During this past year I almost daily noticed something I could do that day that I hadn't done or would cause pain for those previous 18 years. Such as holding hands with my husband. Or crossing my legs. Or wearing a regular pair of shoes rather than clogs. Interestingly enough, I could wear boots but not shoes. Pantyhose or rather tights. Clapping. Holding a book, esp my bible in church. There have been so many of those moments when a lightbulb flashed in my mind saying: STOP! You need to make note of this event! I still like to take a moment to notice I'm doing something I wouldn't have done before or would have to decide if the pain was worth it for a few days.
This week has been full of those moments as I helped dismantle our previous owner's DIY projects. I'm also the project manager As DH referred to me. I highly doubt I would get hired for that position but since I work cheap I got the job.
The fact that we lived quite "nicely" (albeit with a lot of complaint on the part of this writer) with these things the first time we lived here is testament to the fact that I am doing better and have the energy to make major decisions and work more than full time on the house. Whew that was a long sentence but I'm too tired to change it. Forgive me.
I do have lots of help too. DH Is not only VP, he's my biggest cheering section and does some work when he can. Which hasn't been often because "gasp" he's got a new job taking up a lot if his time! :). Then, there's our wonderful interior decorator who also happens to be our daughter and has lent a hand here And there in actual grunt work. Son#2 gave a hand at demo also. Son#1 lends us his baby for bits of R&R to keep us sane! Getting to babysit this week! And then there's our great friends. She's loaning her husband to us and he's doing just about everything he possibly can to make this reno happen.
But I must say that the way I feel to tonight gives testimony to the fact that I'm also 19 years older than when I was first sick and feeling every one of those years!