I LOVE SPRING! I always have but this year, its just even sweeter I think because when I'm outside I'm not aching to get back to bed! I can sit and enjoy the birds singing, bunnies and squirrels etc. Now my biggest problem is sitting still for long, there's so much to do! I need to learn to sit still. Reminds me of the struggle we had teaching our youngest to SIT STILL! Hmm, was she more like her momma than I ever realized! :)
When we moved here 7 years ago this month, I loved seeing the plants coming into bloom. When you move in winter there is this blessing that comes with Spring and Summer that you don't think about before the move. If you chose a house in the winter, you really have no idea what beauty lies just under the surface of the dirt! But as the weather warms up, the flowers start blooming and its like a gift!
Yes, we've lived here before but it's been six years since I've experienced a spring in this house and I was a miserable bitter sick old woman at that point in my life. I enjoyed the flowers etc but I was not enjoying my creator that made the flowers also.
Things have changed so much since those days!
As I'm sitting here typing this I'm reminded how much my life has been like a garden. I had grown cold and barren like the winter. But our Creator knew that with a little sunshine (worship and prayer), water as in spring rain (scripture) and my soul could sing once again and produce fruit.
My life when we last lived in North Wales was one of bitterness, anger, hurt, taking everything personally. The Lord moved us to Pittsburgh to do a work in our life. He wanted to move me out of the winter in my soul to spring! THANK YOU JESUS!
My latest discoveries on the physical front are:
My hands have grown accustomed to clapping again. So I'm able to clap along in church if I want! It's taken a year for me to finally be able to join in clapping for a whole song. Well, at least for most of it because half the time one hand seems to be in the air reaching for my Savior!
I've just realized that maybe just maybe my husband can now take me to Italy. Or Hawaii (although we don't have much desire to go there).
I can miniature golf again! Can't wait! Amusement park anyone? That was one thing that hubby wasn't too sad that I couldn't do while having RSD.
And then there's swimming with hubby in the ocean again! Did get to do that once last summer! Looking fwd to it again! What blessings the Lord is bestowing on me!
To God be the Glory, great things HE HAS DONE!
Monday, April 15, 2013
Saturday, March 30, 2013
1 yr + 2 mo - 2 days
I learned something very valuable during my 18 years of pain! It doesn't matter if everything is done perfectly.
There. I said it. I used to be a frustrated perfectionist! I wanted everything perfect but never was satisfied that it was perfect.
I'm not saying that I don't care what things look like around here.
I do. I really do.
But, For all those years I couldn't have everything just the way I wanted it I found I could enjoy our company just as much as if I had done everything I thought needed to be done. And sometimes I think even better because I used to be a frazzled mess worrying that I had to have it just so and when it wasn't I'd be so upset.
And as much as I still think of lots I want and need to do I now can say, oh well. Its ok.
Although. Yes. I still think of stuff I want to do and maybe waste time trying to get it done. But I more easily let it roll off my back.
Just saying this because I've got a houseful of company coming. One working bathroom. Scaffolding up the side of the house. A contractors "tent" in my driveway. A huge pile of materials for bathroom on my patio. Demo refuse on porch and trash like you wouldn't believe! Nothing decorated. Leaves in the yard.
And I'm not a bit upset by all that cause we moved back home to be with family. And they WANT to come to our house for EASTER dinner!
This is exactly what I love, being with family.
Having family near enough to stop by and to come for dinner is such a sweet sweet blessing! So what if we're not ready!
But could you all pray that our sewer line doesn't decide to back up again tomorrow? I'm still working on finding a plumber.
There. I said it. I used to be a frustrated perfectionist! I wanted everything perfect but never was satisfied that it was perfect.
I'm not saying that I don't care what things look like around here.
I do. I really do.
But, For all those years I couldn't have everything just the way I wanted it I found I could enjoy our company just as much as if I had done everything I thought needed to be done. And sometimes I think even better because I used to be a frazzled mess worrying that I had to have it just so and when it wasn't I'd be so upset.
And as much as I still think of lots I want and need to do I now can say, oh well. Its ok.
Although. Yes. I still think of stuff I want to do and maybe waste time trying to get it done. But I more easily let it roll off my back.
Just saying this because I've got a houseful of company coming. One working bathroom. Scaffolding up the side of the house. A contractors "tent" in my driveway. A huge pile of materials for bathroom on my patio. Demo refuse on porch and trash like you wouldn't believe! Nothing decorated. Leaves in the yard.
And I'm not a bit upset by all that cause we moved back home to be with family. And they WANT to come to our house for EASTER dinner!
This is exactly what I love, being with family.
Having family near enough to stop by and to come for dinner is such a sweet sweet blessing! So what if we're not ready!
But could you all pray that our sewer line doesn't decide to back up again tomorrow? I'm still working on finding a plumber.
Thursday, February 28, 2013
1 y+ 4 wks
When we left pgh I was sad about leaving 'MY' parks behind. You see, I hadn't been able to enjoy a park for so long and in pgh with a dog DH and I took walks at a park as often as we could. When The Lord healed me we enjoyed them even more! Then we left. It's been cold,busy or rain and so today is my first venture out to a park. In my own twp! We often rode past but never had we discovered how nice it is in here! Thank you Lord for a new park to enjoy! Thank you for the ability to walk!
Thursday, February 21, 2013
1y+2wk
I'm continually amazed at how much my life has changed in this past year. It's been an amazing year. The thing is that sometimes that excitement has taken away from what I was really healed from and that was spiritual apathy.
Five years ago we moved to Pittsburgh PA. At that time in my life I had learned to deal with the pain and limitations on my life pretty well. Problem was that somehow over the years, I had allowed going to church to become optional. I wasn't daily talking with the Lord, using the excuse that the meds made it hard for me to read the Bible. I truly did have trouble with anything that took much thought. But all those years of not having devotions or praying left me feeling like a dried up old stream bed.
And worst thing was I didn't know how to change that feeling. I started going to church again weekly, getting involved in our church but still, just wasn't feeling it at all.
I have come to realize that the Lord has drawn me back to himself and in his own special way he has revived that stream bed! It's been quite the process. And I know that at least this stream bed has been revived and is no longer all dried up.
But sometimes as in after my healing I felt like a deluge had hit me and the old stream bed was a rushing torrent.
These words from Hosea sum up what I have felt in the past few years...the call to come back to the Lord. And, if we turn back to him, he will come to us like the spring rains which in Jerusalem the spring rains were like a torrent, a downpour! A deluge! I felt like that deluge hit me when I was healed and almost swept away in the Joy!
Hosea 6:1-3
6 “Come, let us return to the Lord.
He has torn us to pieces
but he will heal us;
he has injured us
but he will bind up our wounds.
2 After two days he will revive us;
on the third day he will restore us,
that we may live in his presence.
3 Let us acknowledge the Lord;
let us press on to acknowledge him.
As surely as the sun rises,
he will appear;
he will come to us like the winter rains,
like the spring rains that water the earth.”
Five years ago we moved to Pittsburgh PA. At that time in my life I had learned to deal with the pain and limitations on my life pretty well. Problem was that somehow over the years, I had allowed going to church to become optional. I wasn't daily talking with the Lord, using the excuse that the meds made it hard for me to read the Bible. I truly did have trouble with anything that took much thought. But all those years of not having devotions or praying left me feeling like a dried up old stream bed.
And worst thing was I didn't know how to change that feeling. I started going to church again weekly, getting involved in our church but still, just wasn't feeling it at all.
I have come to realize that the Lord has drawn me back to himself and in his own special way he has revived that stream bed! It's been quite the process. And I know that at least this stream bed has been revived and is no longer all dried up.
But sometimes as in after my healing I felt like a deluge had hit me and the old stream bed was a rushing torrent.
These words from Hosea sum up what I have felt in the past few years...the call to come back to the Lord. And, if we turn back to him, he will come to us like the spring rains which in Jerusalem the spring rains were like a torrent, a downpour! A deluge! I felt like that deluge hit me when I was healed and almost swept away in the Joy!
Hosea 6:1-3
6 “Come, let us return to the Lord.
He has torn us to pieces
but he will heal us;
he has injured us
but he will bind up our wounds.
2 After two days he will revive us;
on the third day he will restore us,
that we may live in his presence.
3 Let us acknowledge the Lord;
let us press on to acknowledge him.
As surely as the sun rises,
he will appear;
he will come to us like the winter rains,
like the spring rains that water the earth.”
Saturday, February 9, 2013
A year plus
It has now been a year plus a little over a week since MY HEALING! I'll try to from now on use 1yr+1wk etc to mark the year and weeks or mon since God chose to reach down into this life.
During this past year I almost daily noticed something I could do that day that I hadn't done or would cause pain for those previous 18 years. Such as holding hands with my husband. Or crossing my legs. Or wearing a regular pair of shoes rather than clogs. Interestingly enough, I could wear boots but not shoes. Pantyhose or rather tights. Clapping. Holding a book, esp my bible in church. There have been so many of those moments when a lightbulb flashed in my mind saying: STOP! You need to make note of this event! I still like to take a moment to notice I'm doing something I wouldn't have done before or would have to decide if the pain was worth it for a few days.
This week has been full of those moments as I helped dismantle our previous owner's DIY projects. I'm also the project manager As DH referred to me. I highly doubt I would get hired for that position but since I work cheap I got the job.
The fact that we lived quite "nicely" (albeit with a lot of complaint on the part of this writer) with these things the first time we lived here is testament to the fact that I am doing better and have the energy to make major decisions and work more than full time on the house. Whew that was a long sentence but I'm too tired to change it. Forgive me.
I do have lots of help too. DH Is not only VP, he's my biggest cheering section and does some work when he can. Which hasn't been often because "gasp" he's got a new job taking up a lot if his time! :). Then, there's our wonderful interior decorator who also happens to be our daughter and has lent a hand here And there in actual grunt work. Son#2 gave a hand at demo also. Son#1 lends us his baby for bits of R&R to keep us sane! Getting to babysit this week! And then there's our great friends. She's loaning her husband to us and he's doing just about everything he possibly can to make this reno happen.
But I must say that the way I feel to tonight gives testimony to the fact that I'm also 19 years older than when I was first sick and feeling every one of those years!
During this past year I almost daily noticed something I could do that day that I hadn't done or would cause pain for those previous 18 years. Such as holding hands with my husband. Or crossing my legs. Or wearing a regular pair of shoes rather than clogs. Interestingly enough, I could wear boots but not shoes. Pantyhose or rather tights. Clapping. Holding a book, esp my bible in church. There have been so many of those moments when a lightbulb flashed in my mind saying: STOP! You need to make note of this event! I still like to take a moment to notice I'm doing something I wouldn't have done before or would have to decide if the pain was worth it for a few days.
This week has been full of those moments as I helped dismantle our previous owner's DIY projects. I'm also the project manager As DH referred to me. I highly doubt I would get hired for that position but since I work cheap I got the job.
The fact that we lived quite "nicely" (albeit with a lot of complaint on the part of this writer) with these things the first time we lived here is testament to the fact that I am doing better and have the energy to make major decisions and work more than full time on the house. Whew that was a long sentence but I'm too tired to change it. Forgive me.
I do have lots of help too. DH Is not only VP, he's my biggest cheering section and does some work when he can. Which hasn't been often because "gasp" he's got a new job taking up a lot if his time! :). Then, there's our wonderful interior decorator who also happens to be our daughter and has lent a hand here And there in actual grunt work. Son#2 gave a hand at demo also. Son#1 lends us his baby for bits of R&R to keep us sane! Getting to babysit this week! And then there's our great friends. She's loaning her husband to us and he's doing just about everything he possibly can to make this reno happen.
But I must say that the way I feel to tonight gives testimony to the fact that I'm also 19 years older than when I was first sick and feeling every one of those years!
Friday, February 1, 2013
HEALED!
Luke 13:10-13
10 On a Sabbath Jesus was teaching in one of the synagogues, 11 and a woman was there who had been crippled by a spirit for eighteen years. She was bent over and could not straighten up at all. 12 When Jesus saw her, he called her forward and said to her, “Woman, you are set free from your infirmity.” 13 Then he put his hands on her, and immediately she straightened up and praised God.
I AM THAT WOMAN!!! OK. No, it wasn't a Sabbath and no Jesus wasn't here speaking to me verbally but I was 'bent over' for 18 years and God has healed me!
I don't know if you ever hear the still small voice of our Lord and Savior, I rarely do. But, I know I have. There have been several times over my years where a thought would run through my mind and I knew without a doubt it wasn't mine. There are other times when I know that what I'm thinking and saying can not be of my own power. Those are the times I know that the Lord in the form of the Holy Spirit is the power and wisdom behind those thoughts. Unfortunately they are not as often as they should be in the life of any Christian because I struggle with turning myself and my days over to the Lord. But ANY time I say something astute I know it's his work because on my own, I'm not the sharpest pencil in the drawer.
Then there are the times that I've learned to identify as those of Satan's fiery darts which unfortunately have a way of ricocheting around my head way too often. When I get caught up in living life on my own, I hear those fiery darts more. There are these other times when I just know I've heard from the Father through a thought placed in my mind. I don't know the theology of something like this but I do know that being a Believer, I have been indwelt by the Holy Spirit and at times if I'm listening and even sometimes when I am not listening too well, I know that I've heard from the Holy Spirit. When these thoughts come through my mind...they are different than my own.
One such time was a year ago tonight. Maybe even to the hour that I'm writing this for you. My husband was in Kuwait at the time, we were thinking we might end up even moving over there for a project he would manage. It's funny how things as we see them can turn out totally different! Our life right now is so far from what it was back then that is it's kind of comical to think about it! No, not comical, awe inspiring. And thus, I've decided to write about my life of the past few years.
This night one year ago, as I said, my husband was on business. I had decided to fast while he was gone and do some praying and studying. It's not because I was so spiritual but that I was so hungry for God's word and to draw close to the Creator of the world and my Lord and Savior. The time was so sweet and I have a letter I wrote that day that I believe shows me the state I was in at the time...I was truly ok with where I was in my life. As you can read in some of my earlier posts, I was sick with an awful condition called Reflex Sympathetic Dystrophy that seemed to rule my life.
As I prayed that night I heard distinctly from the Lord "I'm going to heal you". I was stunned and sat there trying to figure out if it really was what I thought I heard. But I knew. I don't speak to myself in that tense. If it was my thought, I would have said something like "he's going to heal me".
The next morning, my good friend, Debbie picked me up for bible study. I told her what I had heard from the Lord that previous night. We were pretty close and going through Beth Moore's A Woman's Heart, God's Tabernacle. It is a powerful study and had affected us both. She was probably the only person who truly believed I was not unbalanced until they saw my life changing before their eyes. Even men of God whom I looked up to looked at me like I was one of those wacky religious ladies, they were skeptical. I mean, I would have been also, truth be told, if someone walked up to me and said, "God told me he was going to heal me!" :) But I am jumping fwd. We need to have confirmation of some sort to truly believe that we've heard from the Lord in this manner. That morning in the study, we were watching a video. At the point in the video when Beth used the verses I posted at the top of this page I turned to Debbie and said, I've had the RSD for 18 years! She looked at me askance and said..."I've got chills". We KNEW we had the confirmation I needed that this truly was God's will for my life! It was hard over the next week or so as I tried to tell people that I thought the Lord was going to heal me. I needed people to experience with me the awe of what was going on in my life. I struggled with questioning myself and the Lord. "Lord, I really did hear what I thought I did, didn't I?" But I also truly did/do believe that this is what was happening. I also knew that I needed to claim it BEFORE I was healed so that when people could see the change, they'd KNOW that God did reach down and touch me and healed me.
The following Sunday, we had a powerful worship service and I just knew God was in that place. I also knew that I had to stop questioning and believe and claim remission! I had already stopped one drug that I'd been on for over 17 years at the highest dose allowed. I had no increase in the pain that was kept under control by that drug. I was still on the Morphine I needed for other types of pain and I was also on Cymbalta for the pain and depression that is so characteristic of RSD.
The medical response to what happened to me is I had a spontaneous remission. So, I claimed I was in remission and talked to my doctors about withdrawing off the drugs. They supported me and encouraged me to go slowly which I didn't, but that's another story.
So is, the rest of the story of my healing. But I do want to say that it's a year later, I'm off the drugs and my life has changed drastically! Wonderfully and we've been blessed more than words can describe! But, I will try to tell more in future blog posts.
Saturday, March 3, 2012
Written 3/2011
Wow! It has been a full year since I've posted! I kept telling myself that when I got back on my fine line that I would blog again! I guess I'm feeling like I'm getting back up on that line! Everytime I've tried this past year, I've fallen again.
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