Thursday, February 28, 2013
1 y+ 4 wks
When we left pgh I was sad about leaving 'MY' parks behind. You see, I hadn't been able to enjoy a park for so long and in pgh with a dog DH and I took walks at a park as often as we could. When The Lord healed me we enjoyed them even more! Then we left. It's been cold,busy or rain and so today is my first venture out to a park. In my own twp! We often rode past but never had we discovered how nice it is in here! Thank you Lord for a new park to enjoy! Thank you for the ability to walk!
Thursday, February 21, 2013
1y+2wk
I'm continually amazed at how much my life has changed in this past year. It's been an amazing year. The thing is that sometimes that excitement has taken away from what I was really healed from and that was spiritual apathy.
Five years ago we moved to Pittsburgh PA. At that time in my life I had learned to deal with the pain and limitations on my life pretty well. Problem was that somehow over the years, I had allowed going to church to become optional. I wasn't daily talking with the Lord, using the excuse that the meds made it hard for me to read the Bible. I truly did have trouble with anything that took much thought. But all those years of not having devotions or praying left me feeling like a dried up old stream bed.
And worst thing was I didn't know how to change that feeling. I started going to church again weekly, getting involved in our church but still, just wasn't feeling it at all.
I have come to realize that the Lord has drawn me back to himself and in his own special way he has revived that stream bed! It's been quite the process. And I know that at least this stream bed has been revived and is no longer all dried up.
But sometimes as in after my healing I felt like a deluge had hit me and the old stream bed was a rushing torrent.
These words from Hosea sum up what I have felt in the past few years...the call to come back to the Lord. And, if we turn back to him, he will come to us like the spring rains which in Jerusalem the spring rains were like a torrent, a downpour! A deluge! I felt like that deluge hit me when I was healed and almost swept away in the Joy!
Hosea 6:1-3
6 “Come, let us return to the Lord.
He has torn us to pieces
but he will heal us;
he has injured us
but he will bind up our wounds.
2 After two days he will revive us;
on the third day he will restore us,
that we may live in his presence.
3 Let us acknowledge the Lord;
let us press on to acknowledge him.
As surely as the sun rises,
he will appear;
he will come to us like the winter rains,
like the spring rains that water the earth.”
Five years ago we moved to Pittsburgh PA. At that time in my life I had learned to deal with the pain and limitations on my life pretty well. Problem was that somehow over the years, I had allowed going to church to become optional. I wasn't daily talking with the Lord, using the excuse that the meds made it hard for me to read the Bible. I truly did have trouble with anything that took much thought. But all those years of not having devotions or praying left me feeling like a dried up old stream bed.
And worst thing was I didn't know how to change that feeling. I started going to church again weekly, getting involved in our church but still, just wasn't feeling it at all.
I have come to realize that the Lord has drawn me back to himself and in his own special way he has revived that stream bed! It's been quite the process. And I know that at least this stream bed has been revived and is no longer all dried up.
But sometimes as in after my healing I felt like a deluge had hit me and the old stream bed was a rushing torrent.
These words from Hosea sum up what I have felt in the past few years...the call to come back to the Lord. And, if we turn back to him, he will come to us like the spring rains which in Jerusalem the spring rains were like a torrent, a downpour! A deluge! I felt like that deluge hit me when I was healed and almost swept away in the Joy!
Hosea 6:1-3
6 “Come, let us return to the Lord.
He has torn us to pieces
but he will heal us;
he has injured us
but he will bind up our wounds.
2 After two days he will revive us;
on the third day he will restore us,
that we may live in his presence.
3 Let us acknowledge the Lord;
let us press on to acknowledge him.
As surely as the sun rises,
he will appear;
he will come to us like the winter rains,
like the spring rains that water the earth.”
Saturday, February 9, 2013
A year plus
It has now been a year plus a little over a week since MY HEALING! I'll try to from now on use 1yr+1wk etc to mark the year and weeks or mon since God chose to reach down into this life.
During this past year I almost daily noticed something I could do that day that I hadn't done or would cause pain for those previous 18 years. Such as holding hands with my husband. Or crossing my legs. Or wearing a regular pair of shoes rather than clogs. Interestingly enough, I could wear boots but not shoes. Pantyhose or rather tights. Clapping. Holding a book, esp my bible in church. There have been so many of those moments when a lightbulb flashed in my mind saying: STOP! You need to make note of this event! I still like to take a moment to notice I'm doing something I wouldn't have done before or would have to decide if the pain was worth it for a few days.
This week has been full of those moments as I helped dismantle our previous owner's DIY projects. I'm also the project manager As DH referred to me. I highly doubt I would get hired for that position but since I work cheap I got the job.
The fact that we lived quite "nicely" (albeit with a lot of complaint on the part of this writer) with these things the first time we lived here is testament to the fact that I am doing better and have the energy to make major decisions and work more than full time on the house. Whew that was a long sentence but I'm too tired to change it. Forgive me.
I do have lots of help too. DH Is not only VP, he's my biggest cheering section and does some work when he can. Which hasn't been often because "gasp" he's got a new job taking up a lot if his time! :). Then, there's our wonderful interior decorator who also happens to be our daughter and has lent a hand here And there in actual grunt work. Son#2 gave a hand at demo also. Son#1 lends us his baby for bits of R&R to keep us sane! Getting to babysit this week! And then there's our great friends. She's loaning her husband to us and he's doing just about everything he possibly can to make this reno happen.
But I must say that the way I feel to tonight gives testimony to the fact that I'm also 19 years older than when I was first sick and feeling every one of those years!
During this past year I almost daily noticed something I could do that day that I hadn't done or would cause pain for those previous 18 years. Such as holding hands with my husband. Or crossing my legs. Or wearing a regular pair of shoes rather than clogs. Interestingly enough, I could wear boots but not shoes. Pantyhose or rather tights. Clapping. Holding a book, esp my bible in church. There have been so many of those moments when a lightbulb flashed in my mind saying: STOP! You need to make note of this event! I still like to take a moment to notice I'm doing something I wouldn't have done before or would have to decide if the pain was worth it for a few days.
This week has been full of those moments as I helped dismantle our previous owner's DIY projects. I'm also the project manager As DH referred to me. I highly doubt I would get hired for that position but since I work cheap I got the job.
The fact that we lived quite "nicely" (albeit with a lot of complaint on the part of this writer) with these things the first time we lived here is testament to the fact that I am doing better and have the energy to make major decisions and work more than full time on the house. Whew that was a long sentence but I'm too tired to change it. Forgive me.
I do have lots of help too. DH Is not only VP, he's my biggest cheering section and does some work when he can. Which hasn't been often because "gasp" he's got a new job taking up a lot if his time! :). Then, there's our wonderful interior decorator who also happens to be our daughter and has lent a hand here And there in actual grunt work. Son#2 gave a hand at demo also. Son#1 lends us his baby for bits of R&R to keep us sane! Getting to babysit this week! And then there's our great friends. She's loaning her husband to us and he's doing just about everything he possibly can to make this reno happen.
But I must say that the way I feel to tonight gives testimony to the fact that I'm also 19 years older than when I was first sick and feeling every one of those years!
Friday, February 1, 2013
HEALED!
Luke 13:10-13
10 On a Sabbath Jesus was teaching in one of the synagogues, 11 and a woman was there who had been crippled by a spirit for eighteen years. She was bent over and could not straighten up at all. 12 When Jesus saw her, he called her forward and said to her, “Woman, you are set free from your infirmity.” 13 Then he put his hands on her, and immediately she straightened up and praised God.
I AM THAT WOMAN!!! OK. No, it wasn't a Sabbath and no Jesus wasn't here speaking to me verbally but I was 'bent over' for 18 years and God has healed me!
I don't know if you ever hear the still small voice of our Lord and Savior, I rarely do. But, I know I have. There have been several times over my years where a thought would run through my mind and I knew without a doubt it wasn't mine. There are other times when I know that what I'm thinking and saying can not be of my own power. Those are the times I know that the Lord in the form of the Holy Spirit is the power and wisdom behind those thoughts. Unfortunately they are not as often as they should be in the life of any Christian because I struggle with turning myself and my days over to the Lord. But ANY time I say something astute I know it's his work because on my own, I'm not the sharpest pencil in the drawer.
Then there are the times that I've learned to identify as those of Satan's fiery darts which unfortunately have a way of ricocheting around my head way too often. When I get caught up in living life on my own, I hear those fiery darts more. There are these other times when I just know I've heard from the Father through a thought placed in my mind. I don't know the theology of something like this but I do know that being a Believer, I have been indwelt by the Holy Spirit and at times if I'm listening and even sometimes when I am not listening too well, I know that I've heard from the Holy Spirit. When these thoughts come through my mind...they are different than my own.
One such time was a year ago tonight. Maybe even to the hour that I'm writing this for you. My husband was in Kuwait at the time, we were thinking we might end up even moving over there for a project he would manage. It's funny how things as we see them can turn out totally different! Our life right now is so far from what it was back then that is it's kind of comical to think about it! No, not comical, awe inspiring. And thus, I've decided to write about my life of the past few years.
This night one year ago, as I said, my husband was on business. I had decided to fast while he was gone and do some praying and studying. It's not because I was so spiritual but that I was so hungry for God's word and to draw close to the Creator of the world and my Lord and Savior. The time was so sweet and I have a letter I wrote that day that I believe shows me the state I was in at the time...I was truly ok with where I was in my life. As you can read in some of my earlier posts, I was sick with an awful condition called Reflex Sympathetic Dystrophy that seemed to rule my life.
As I prayed that night I heard distinctly from the Lord "I'm going to heal you". I was stunned and sat there trying to figure out if it really was what I thought I heard. But I knew. I don't speak to myself in that tense. If it was my thought, I would have said something like "he's going to heal me".
The next morning, my good friend, Debbie picked me up for bible study. I told her what I had heard from the Lord that previous night. We were pretty close and going through Beth Moore's A Woman's Heart, God's Tabernacle. It is a powerful study and had affected us both. She was probably the only person who truly believed I was not unbalanced until they saw my life changing before their eyes. Even men of God whom I looked up to looked at me like I was one of those wacky religious ladies, they were skeptical. I mean, I would have been also, truth be told, if someone walked up to me and said, "God told me he was going to heal me!" :) But I am jumping fwd. We need to have confirmation of some sort to truly believe that we've heard from the Lord in this manner. That morning in the study, we were watching a video. At the point in the video when Beth used the verses I posted at the top of this page I turned to Debbie and said, I've had the RSD for 18 years! She looked at me askance and said..."I've got chills". We KNEW we had the confirmation I needed that this truly was God's will for my life! It was hard over the next week or so as I tried to tell people that I thought the Lord was going to heal me. I needed people to experience with me the awe of what was going on in my life. I struggled with questioning myself and the Lord. "Lord, I really did hear what I thought I did, didn't I?" But I also truly did/do believe that this is what was happening. I also knew that I needed to claim it BEFORE I was healed so that when people could see the change, they'd KNOW that God did reach down and touch me and healed me.
The following Sunday, we had a powerful worship service and I just knew God was in that place. I also knew that I had to stop questioning and believe and claim remission! I had already stopped one drug that I'd been on for over 17 years at the highest dose allowed. I had no increase in the pain that was kept under control by that drug. I was still on the Morphine I needed for other types of pain and I was also on Cymbalta for the pain and depression that is so characteristic of RSD.
The medical response to what happened to me is I had a spontaneous remission. So, I claimed I was in remission and talked to my doctors about withdrawing off the drugs. They supported me and encouraged me to go slowly which I didn't, but that's another story.
So is, the rest of the story of my healing. But I do want to say that it's a year later, I'm off the drugs and my life has changed drastically! Wonderfully and we've been blessed more than words can describe! But, I will try to tell more in future blog posts.
Saturday, March 3, 2012
Written 3/2011
Wow! It has been a full year since I've posted! I kept telling myself that when I got back on my fine line that I would blog again! I guess I'm feeling like I'm getting back up on that line! Everytime I've tried this past year, I've fallen again.
Remission from RSD!
I never really got into this blogging because I kept falling off my tightrope! Then, I got back on it and felt the Lord whisper deep inside me that he was going to be healing me! Through a bible study I'd been doing and the companion video, I just really felt that was his word to me. The next time I was in church, my communion with the Lord was so sweet. I left that service proclaiming that I was in remission and as far as I can tell, I AM!
Since that time, I've been working on getting off the opiate I'd been on for over five years and before that it was a series of others. The withdrawal period is awful for a few days and then very annoying for, well, two weeks so far. I've read you can have symptoms called POWS (post opiate withdrawal syndrome) for months depending on amount taken and length of time taking them. Well, I've been on opiates for at least 16 yrs maybe 17!
I've had the RSD for 18 years. I have my ideas why the Lord allowed this in my life when he did and I also know that he has a reason for allowing me to be healed right now. It could all be that it took me 16 years to finally come back to true fellowship with him and I've been on a coming home journey for the last 2 or 3 years! It will always be a journey and I've got some work to do in the near future to get my body in shape and ready for whatever the Lord has in store for us!
Since that time, I've been working on getting off the opiate I'd been on for over five years and before that it was a series of others. The withdrawal period is awful for a few days and then very annoying for, well, two weeks so far. I've read you can have symptoms called POWS (post opiate withdrawal syndrome) for months depending on amount taken and length of time taking them. Well, I've been on opiates for at least 16 yrs maybe 17!
I've had the RSD for 18 years. I have my ideas why the Lord allowed this in my life when he did and I also know that he has a reason for allowing me to be healed right now. It could all be that it took me 16 years to finally come back to true fellowship with him and I've been on a coming home journey for the last 2 or 3 years! It will always be a journey and I've got some work to do in the near future to get my body in shape and ready for whatever the Lord has in store for us!
Wednesday, December 29, 2010
Memory
A nice thing about having no memory . . . I can experience things all over again that I'd seen or done since being sick. Such as. . . We just drove through an area that we lived in twenty years ago. Have been back since then but all the changes look new to me. Any books I read since getting RSD I can reread. If I can even remember that I read them once the ending is still a surprise!
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